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(T/N: I would recommend reading Kawaii Daikon’s translation of chapter 1 of Wu Gate instead of Sparkling Dawn’s version. Kawaii Daikon’s version is much clearer and Sparkling Dawn’s version is only a partial translation.
Hope you enjoy reading this translation. I thought this story was really funny and weird, but in a good way.)
Title: The Crazy Adventures of Wu Gate
Chapter: 02 of 87
On a dark windy night, the famous Prince Duan Yu met Miss Gu for the first time. That day, he was invited to the Gu Estate to dinner. After he had drunk three rounds of wine with Gu ShangShu, he walked around the residence by himself. Halfway to the entrance, from far away, there was a strange meat aroma. Although he had eaten exotic delicacies from childhood, he had never smell anything with such an alluring aroma.
What could smell so good? He pondered this as he walked. Finally, he arrived at inconspicuous cabin. Across the window, he saw a beauty that was dressed in black. At the moment, the beauty stood there eating meat. She stuffed an entire piece of pork into her mouth along with rice.
Yeow! Brownish red sauce overflowed from the corners of her mouth and stained her delicate, petal-like lips. She happily continued to lick, bite, and chew. As the beauty ate, her eyes glowed and her entire body was deeply intoxicated.
Meat. Beauty. Gulp, Duan Yu couldn’t help swallowing his saliva. Huh? Even I can want something? Duan Yu recovered from his daze and thought this was a bit inconceivable.
The beauty didn't notice him and continued helping herself to piece after piece of meat. Duan Yu continued to swallow his saliva again and again. When he couldn’t resist any longer and started to enter the room, he noticed that the beauty’s expression had become melancholy. A small frown creased her forehead and her eyes were misty. Then, her nose slowly became red and tears came from her eyes. In this cold, small room that was lit only by a kerosene lamp, his heart felt tender for that frail shadow.
He stood next to a window with carved patterns on the woodwork and softly asked her, “Why are you crying?”
Gu QingQiao reflexively replied, “Because braised meat is too delicious.” At the same time, she turned around and was startled.
An incomparably, beautiful man. Gu QingQiao dazedly looked at the man near the window. Her heart was beating as if there were a thousand stampeding horses in front of her.
Wow… Compared to this man, Takeshi Kaneshiro (Taiwanese-Japanese actor and singer) was nothing. His fans would all instantly be converted to this man's fans. If modern day idols were compared to this man, they would escape to the Himalaya Mountains out of shame. Ah, look at those phoenix eyes (slanted eyes) and thin lips. Such a charming, elegant appearance, he must be Song Yu’s reincarnation.
(T/N: Song Yu is ancient Chinese writer that’s known for his ‘Verses of Chu’).
His high level of beauty was rare for a man. If this handsome man were born in the modern world, she would capture him and turn him into an idol. What good man? What fast man? What beautiful man? He had all these qualities. She would easily earn a windfall of profits as his manager. The more she thought about her idea, the more wonderful it became and she started laughing. But her daydreaming was quickly interrupted.
Duan Yu only saw her endlessly giggling to herself.
He wrinkled his brow: “If the food tasted good, why were you crying?”
Smiling, she said, “I’m afraid that after I leave, I won’t be able to eat this anymore.” As a person who valued appearances, Gu QingQiao showed a very gentle demeanor in front of this handsome man.
The handsome man raised his eyebrow, and his eyes held a hint of interest: “Wherever you go, just bring your cook with you, and you’ll continue to be able to eat.”
She shook her head: “You can’t always bring people with you to place where you want to go.” A lonely look flitted across her face. If he blinked his eyes at the moment, he would have missed it.
She leisurely laughed, “You don’t understand.” Her sweet, waxy face was like an eight-treasured chrysanthemum cake. Many days later, she repeated the same sentence to him. At this time, under the crescent moon, she was her laughing self without any worries. But he didn’t understand. In fact, some things he would prefer to never understand. Truly.
The handsome man asked, “What’s your name? Are you engaged to anyone?”
“What?” QingQiao returned to her senses and quickly thought. From a glance, she could tell he was a respectable person. He was probably her father’s dinner guest tonight. Previously, she has said she was sick, so she couldn’t attend dinner. But now, accidently meeting the guest in the kitchen while she was eating meat, her lie was discovered. She was dead meat. No matter what, she couldn’t say her real name. So, she put on a 101% proper expression.
Her big eyes sparkled to show innocence and harmlessness: “My name is Xiao Rou (literally means little meat). The master has promised me to the cook, A’Da.” As soon as she spoke those words, she felt chagrined. She secretly observed that his handsome face didn’t change after hearing her words.
He only softly said, “Oh.”
Inexplicably, her heart felt dejected. She could only take her anger out on A’Da. Paternal grandmother is a bear (swear word/phrase). Today, I’ll let you gain this advantage (of this made-up engagement). Later on, I’ll find the city’s biggest meatball for you to marry.
A’Da was currently cooking ox tripe in another room. Despite facing this raging fire, he couldn’t help shivering.
The handsome man asked, “Miss Xiao Ruo, could you give me your meat?” His eyes stared at her chest.
“Ah?” QingQiao paused for a moment. She speculated if he was joking, but this handsome man looked serene. “What meat? Where’s the meat that you want?” She hurriedly protected her chest. Her eyes were guarded.
“Don’t say I didn’t tell you. Recently, the prices for meat have become outrageously expensive. If you want any piece, it won’t be easy.” This hint was obvious, but his handsome face was still unfazed.
“Gu ShangSu is so uncorrupted, even eating a piece of pork is difficult in his home.” As he talked, his eyes were up to no good and continued looking down her chest until he shifted his gaze towards the stove.
Gurgle, gurgle. The braised pork cooked happily on the stove.
This bastard. She embarrassedly smiled.
Bang! QingQiao shoved the pot of braised pork at the handsome man, “For you.”
“Well –” Scalded by the heat, he only lightly sighed. In the next second, he took pot and firmly stood. His poise was still elegant.
So fast… Gu QingQiao was astonished, but she still felt very much resentful. Well, your head. This strange handsome man. Couldn’t you have said, “What” “Oh” “Ow”? Does the phrase “Ouch, my mother,” not exist in your life dictionary? Don't you know that your Rou sister wishes to hear you scream like crazy ghost? Staring fiercely at the handsome man, Gu QingQiao quickly closed the curtains to cut him off from her world.
It’s okay that she no longer has braised pork to eat. There’s still the Lantern Festival. She comforted herself with this thought and smiled.
—
The lunar year’s first month’s fifteenth night is a good time to admire the full moon. Late at night, the moon finally defeats the cloud, showing its full face. This wasn’t easy. The cloud was strong. Even when dispersed by the wind, the cloud will gather again. The cloud was known as the “Unkillable Black Phoenix”.
The triumphant moon looked down to see a handsome man. Its heart immediately wanted to give support – Hey Hey. This prince, aren’t you peerless? Aren’t you this dynasty’s most talented man? Follow Li Bai and Du Fu (two of China’s most famous poets) by composing two poems that praise me!
But the prince didn’t feel the moon’s enthusiasm; he carried a pot of pork and slowly walked back. At this moment, his mind was thinking of an angry pair of eyes. No matter how mesmerizing tonight’s moon was, how could it compare with a beautiful living person?
“My name is Xiao Rou. The master has promised me to the cook, A’Da.” He shook his head and suddenly laughed. That silly girl, she lied with such sincerity and seriousness. But she forgot to first take off the jade piece on her chest.